Monthly Archives: April 2015

To The Non-Welfare People

For the people out there that feel their taxes are being wasted on the lazy, drug addicted, good for nothing people that live on government assistance; I felt like writing you a letter this morning so here goes.

I came from a family that lived on welfare. We camped out at DES offices and food banks and our kitchen cabinets spent more time being empty than full. The only food we understood was the bland, nutritionally deficient, overly processed joke of a “food” product. We were having a good day if we got the chance to eat a dollar hamburger from somewhere. Most of the clothes I wore were passed down from my brothers. The shoes on our feet had to be deemed completely ineffective in order to get new ones. Trust me, you don’t understand poor until you can see through the holes in the bottom of your tennis shoes.As a child, I had no problem living this way because it was all I ever knew. Being picked on for being the poor kid eventually just does not matter anymore. At least I didn’t have lunch money to be stolen by the bullies.

As I got older, I realized how hard it is to be here. You grow up expecting to be on your own but end up being met with more demands, rules, and regulations. Like any other young adult, I planned on working from the ground up. I do not want hand outs nor feel entitled to anything. I expected nothing but hard work ahead of me. While that was my intention, life can sometimes have other plans. I did not get the chance to figure anything out for myself because even though I was working I was already getting my label back. People only saw another lazy kid looking to drain the system.

To add to it, I ended up becoming a single mother, the most dreaded of all. Since the birth of my daughter, I have worked whatever job I could get and even graduated from college. I work hard in hopes of, one day, no longer having to be in this building again. I gave her an apartment with the little money I have. I buy her clothes, shoes, and toys before I buy things for myself. Most of all, I do whatever it takes to make sure that she is taken care of.

You see, I write this to you while I sit in a DES office. I have been here for over an hour already and do not expect to leave any time soon. The people around me are complaining about the unorganized system as usual. Kids are crying and I mistakenly didn’t drink coffee before coming here. I sit here while I should be working but I have to take a day off in order to meet the government’s demands. Every movement I make is monitored by them so that they can control how much food I can buy next month. If I attempt to make more money then they threaten to cut my daughter and I off from having medical insurance. So, you see, the next job I get has to be a huge jump in pay in order for me to hold onto my ability to pay my bills.

I dread coming to this place. The feeling of sitting in these chairs is degrading. My ties to the government make me feel like I have failed somewhere. You call me lazy but do not understand my desire to work. You insinuate that I must be taking drugs even though I have never met you. You say that I am a waste of your tax dollars even though I pay taxes just the same. If I am such a waste of resources then why waste your breath calling me useless?

Those that do drain the system have become a thorn in my side. Even if I do receive praise for trying to put these offices behind me it always comes off as condescending. You cry out for drug tests that would only rob me of my last amount of dignity. Do you really think drug addicts don’t have ways around that? I do not have anything to hide but I find my DNA valuable when it comes to my self worth. I dream of the day when I will no longer have to spend my day sitting in an uncomfortable chair in a cold room while my pride catches a bus to anywhere else. For you to say that I do this willingly is a punch in the gut. At this point in my life, I have no other choice.

So, the next time you want to assume that my sole purpose in life is to rob you of your taxes, I want you to remember this letter. Everyone needs help now and then whether we like it or not. I hate being here more than you hate seeing me here. Let’s just call it even and go back to our lives.

This Welfare Dependant Mother


The Competition of Women

I am not the pretty girl, the girly girl, or your domesticated housewife. I will not cook you breakfast, lunch, and dinner even though I am overqualified. I hate doing laundry or playing dollies with my daughter. I take pride in my burps and I laugh about my own farts to an unnecessary degree. I curse more than most men and I have an unrelenting perverted side that slips out every now and then. (And yes, I just found that statement funny.) I find myself to be a bit too blunt at times but I stopped handing fucks out a long time ago. I enjoy getting tattoos and am stupidly ballsy when it comes to a pain threshold. Actually, maybe I am just stupidly clumsy. Sitting on a comfortable couch and watching a movie is better than the most epic party ever thrown by anyone thought to matter. I love my pajamas. I mean love my pajamas.


This is who I am wrapped up in a nice little bow but like the majority of the women out there I am also riddled with self-esteem issues. My days, usually, begin with body image. I say usually because it really just depends on how awake I am before I walk out the front door. Some days I wake up and think, today I will be sexiest fucking thing to pass everyone’s path but most days begin with a severe lack of motivation based on the thought that, what I have is not enough to draw attention so, what’s the point? Whether they want to admit it or not, every woman spends too much time concerned about the way that they look. This is not because of men but because of a certain subconscious desire to not be the ugliest girl in the room. Yes, I do mean that this is entirely OUR fault and not a man’s. Stop beating him down and start looking at yourselves for a moment, women. For once I, a woman, will state that this has absolutely nothing to do with men. There… I said it. Can we move on now? Some women don’t really care to be the most beautiful but every women dreads being the thorn in their beholder’s eye. Beauty is subjective, sure but there are those people out there that never really find themselves being called attractive in any sense. The global fear is that one day you will wake up to find that you have become one of the unlucky.


Just as men have an animalistic need to stick it in anything with a hole, women need to feel a sense of control in their lives. Maybe not the control that automatically comes to mind but a certain sense of it is needed. Now, before all the women out there start rolling their eyes, hear me out. I realize that there is this little thing out there called co-dependence. I believe in it fully but on a more broad scale. Something I like to refer to as the lie of independence but that’s a whole other blog. We all rely on each other to a certain degree whether we realize it or not and this can be a little more acute in some people. With women, the level of control desired represents their external influence. In a way, she is controlling her projection to the people around her. This may be considered a false representation of who she is but this is not true. A woman will, essentially, allow you to see certain parts of her until she can trust you enough to see the whole package. The “cool” side of a woman is a representation of her level of control. She might actually have some of the appealing “cool chick” qualities but this is only what you see while she controls her emotional side. Eventually, some of the inevitable crazy parts will peek out. Everyone is capable of craziness. Some people are just more affected than others.

Men go through this as well. I do not deny that. However, for a man, this is more localized within their own body rather than projected outward towards other men. They may see a well-built man and judge their own image accordingly but only in the sense of questioning self-improvement. With women, the gorgeous woman in the center of the room becomes a symbol of hatred. It first begins with hatred for our own image because of what we “should” look like and then it progresses to focusing on the other woman for flaunting and, effectively, teasing what we will never become. The gorgeous woman is the reason why you go home alone at night and eat ice cream while binge watching television shows. Rather than finding the appealing differences between one another, women tend to focus on the negative aspects of their image. The one thing that is never understood between each other is that we ALL go through this. Even the gorgeous woman will find fault in her image because this is how society allows us to see the world. Only the most beautiful women gain access to the luxuries of success or domesticated bliss. In the movies, it is always the incredibly beautiful woman that gets everything she wants. The ugly friend only gains acceptance of the “laws of nature”. She does not get the guy, job, or anything else because she does not possess the level of beauty her best friend does. Hollywood tells us that life just sucks that way and the ugly will just have to deal.

With all of this in mind, I have noticed a big surge in the inequality debate lately. I find this a bit funny because I feel the limitations of women are only brought on by other women. Men do not care how a woman looks unless it is in relation to something specific. The specificity usually lying within the lower regions of a man’s thought process. Is he trying to get laid? If so, then he will be searching the bar for the woman deemed “easily accessible” or otherwise known as being dressed like a raging slut. In the end, the ultimate goal is for him to see you naked. The general populations of men (and even a good chunk of women) are always picturing you naked. The more you reveal offers them less work. If you want to control your level of respect then start controlling the length of your skirt as well as your attitude. You can enjoy yourself and have a good time without flashing your tits, ladies. There used to be a certain amount of a conservative nature amongst women because of regulations of the societal kind. We revolted. We broke free because we wanted to wear some damn pants and drink whiskey without being stared at. Truth is we are still being stared at. This all goes back to the fact that men just do not care. We are women and we control whether or not they actually get into those pants. How is that for inequality?


As far as the pay? The only reason why there is a constant debate for women to receive better pay is because there is a debate. For a rich movie star to get on stage and bitch that she did not receive the five million dollar paycheck that her male co-star did even though she received the four million dollar paycheck just sounds like a lot of bitching to me. Like any other poor motherfucker out there, I would kill to not have to worry about my bills or how I am supposed to buy my daughter the supplies that she needs for school. If I ever get the chance to reach a financial goal that would leave me feeling comfortable the last thing I’ll be thinking about is how much the guy next to me is making. It is just an argument about how “it’s not fair.” Yeah, and it’s not fair that Gwenyth Paltrow does not understand the concept of buying a weeks worth of food for only twenty-nine dollars. When it comes down to it, it’s all just bitching and complaining which is what we are all good at. Especially women. We love to bitch and complain. It’s that level of control again.


It all comes down to this: if you really want to make a difference then try a raise your little girl to accept her sense of self with pride instead of getting offended by the word “bossy”. Trust me, bossy is not the worst thing you can be called. I have been called every bad name you can think of and there is not a single one that sticks with me. They are only words. What determines their meaning is how you take them. If anyone feels the need to call me names then it usually means that I am doing better than them. If anything, calling a woman bossy should be considered encouragement. Aggression is shown towards what is envied.


As much as women try to claim “togetherness” you think we would stop trying to screw each other over. Men are not the problem. The mentality of female dominance is the problem. Stop trying to compete with the woman next to you. Start there and maybe we can get rid of this inequality bullshit.