Monthly Archives: April 2016

Oh, Hello



How are you?


I know… It’s been a while…


I haven’t forgotten about you though…


I think about you often. Everyday in fact. You are, always, in the back of my mind. My one true affair, my love, my passion, you just wait for me to get over myself and come back to you. You wait, ever so patiently, for that stick to fall out of my ass…


It’s a blank computer screen, if you haven’t figured it out, just waiting for me to fill it with words. I have neglected to do so for some time now. I understand your frustration. I feel it as well. Whenever that pity me stick gets stuck up my ass, I find myself constipated with the why me slump followed by the boohoo chaser. Maybe I’m not the only one. Maybe we all go through this… if so, maybe we should start discussing this amongst each other because it feels excruciatingly lonesome when you’re in the thick of it.


That all-too-common-but-surprisingly-variant event comes along that makes you realize that everything you believed to be under control is actually flying amok in a hurricane of a shit storm. You suddenly find yourself fumbling for your cool like pepper spray in a dark alley. If you don’t find it, soon, some unsavory stranger might sodomize your feelings and leave them pinned up in their bloodied and bruised state for the world to see. This is the level of shame that we put on our subconscious out of the fear that someone else might get a whiff of our feelings.


Was it stressful?


Why, yes. Yes it most certainly was.


Did you make it to the other side?


Actually, I did. Thanks for asking.


So, What’s the problem then?



Nothing, really. I guess that’s the point of any unwelcomed event… to let us know that we can reach the other side if we just continue to move in a forward motion. This “event” wasn’t even anything cataclysmic. It wasn’t even that surprising. It has happened before and I’m sure it will happen again. It wasn’t the “event” that caused my woe but what came afterwards that did.


I have taken multiple steps in the recent past to secure a somewhat decent future in the hopes of gaining the magical responsibility of adulthood. (Someone slap me.) I was being a good little grown up. However, when you paint a cow pink and wear it on your head you’re bound to look like an idiot. No, not just an idiot… a fucking idiot. If this blog has taught me anything, it’s that I am the most at peace when I smear my nonsense all up on these computerized pieces of paper.


My point is this, I’m twenty nine years old and I still don’t have to slightest clue as to which direction I’m heading in. At the moment, it’s in that direction…


Or, maybe, that way…


No… that can’t be right…


Whichever direction I travel, I’ve come to a comforting conclusion. Yes, we can spend our entire lives trying to figure out who we are but is that really the sole purpose of life? I do not believe so, good sir…or ma’am. I believe that we are who we need to be at different stages in life and when there is nothing left to discover… well, that’s when the life part runs out.


So, for the time being, I have removed my pity me stick and now expel backdoor word vomit for your amusement.




Until my next “event” comes along that makes me question my recent actions, I will be here to stink up the joint with my vapor of unintelligible wisdom.


In other words… I’m back, bitches!


Goodnight, my loyal few… Until my next spewing session.