Hello Reality, It’s Me

A little over two weeks ago, I sprained my ankle. This is the fourth time that this has happened. I’m good at that, you know, but I swear there was a brisk breeze that tripped me up. Maybe I just love gravity so much that I like to test it out from time to time. Either way, this got me thinking about something… Well, it made a certain sentence pop into my head, actually…


If it weren’t for me, my life would be a breeze.


I know this sounds funny but there is more truth in that statement than I harbor in my entire skeletal structure. Everyday we go through even the most minuscule of struggles. Sometimes we can’t decide between spending the money on some much needed coffee or just pushing through the day. There’s the choice of attire, what to eat, how to speak, or whether or not a lesson in common sense is worth a jail sentence. The workplace stresses seem to usually take precedence for most of us but the personal struggles can be the most daunting. Through all of this the hardest realization to come to is when you find yourself holding your own leash and what makes that worse is finding your grip to be suffocating. Our own criticisms are the pitfalls in our lives that hold us back from really living. I know that you have heard this before as I have but it has never pulled a ligament quite like it has now. I can feel it now, from my ankle all the way to my bruised sense of self. It radiates through me like a menstrual cramp gone rampant. I want to scream and yell and cry, all while eating copious amounts of chocolate in between vast amounts of meat.


… There is a moment, though… A moment so enlightening that too much air fills the room… And it becomes hard to breathe…


I have put myself here…


I have kept myself here…


I am the one reason why my foot wants to go in a different direction than the rest of my leg. My ankle sprain is not a factor of clumsiness but a desperate plea for a change of direction. I have spent my life being mindful of my steps and limiting which path they take me on but every time I fall into routine, I find a pothole. Down on the ground I find that when I look up the path looks a bit obscured.


What if it has always been obscured and I have just been looking at it from the wrong angle?


I don’t believe that any of us are supposed to know who we truly are. We are a mystery even to ourselves because we are never meant to settle. There is a constant forward motion full of endless experiences that should not be left as the mystery. Don’t blame life as your misunderstanding. Grab onto it as a factor but not your synopsis. There is no definition of us. It is time to put down the dictionary and pick up the map.


But forget the compass… a sense of direction is not needed here. If the golf ball that lived on my ankle for a time taught me anything, it’s that you really can go two ways at once; your pain threshold just might not agree with it. The point of any struggle is to make it to the other side. We do not call upon the graceful at this time, however. We’ll make conquerors of us all in this moment of need and, yes, you will conquer as long as you keep breathing. For all my fellow Game of Thrones nerds out there, you do not have to be the Mother of Dragons to prove your conquering technique. Hell, I blew through a milkshake the other day like a fire-breathing lizard. I call that a victory, albeit minuscule…


Or maybe that was the celebration for living that day… Either way I handled that milkshake… Like a boss. (that’s a phrase the kids are using these days, right?)


Anyway, my point is this (if there actually ever is one), the most gargantuan dose of reality comes when you feel the true level of pain that you cause yourself. Do not look to anyone else for blaming placement. It is you and only you. Go outside and look at things sideways. You may find a labyrinth but that’s okay. As much as we love (and miss) David Bowie, he does not live in yours. I promise. Take a step to the left and proceed. This is where you find truth in your pain and begin to mend it.


And before you start, this is in no way referencing settling down in a relationship or career. A partner in crime is necessary at times and a career is a goal to be reached but striving for greatness in either requires no deadline. Your deathbed is where you can weigh out your accomplishments against your pitfalls and in that last breath you will see the end to the mystery. Besides, what’s life without a bit of intrigue? Why not be the thrill?


Now, if only I could find that pesky first aid kit I can begin with my own mending… Hey! I never said I knew exactly how to mend. For that you’ll have to seek advice from a healer. I tend to sprain things… Like my dignity.


But if you find out…


One response to “Hello Reality, It’s Me

  • The Art of Defeat | redwinesauce

    […] When your eyes begin to dry out you realize that you have already lost this game awhile back. There never was a key to throw away and the paint begins to smear. At this stage, the weakness and vulnerability set in. With shoulders slumped and a sagging spine, your chin falls. Looking people in the eyes becomes tiresome. Days at home are spent on the couch without a will to move. You fight with yourself about whether or not calling in tomorrow is a viable option. The ifs start flooding your mind. If it weren’t for this job you wouldn’t be miserable. If it weren’t for this couch you would be productive. If it weren’t for you, your life would be a breeze… […]


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