Monthly Archives: July 2016

The Art of Defeat

There’s an art hidden within the feeling of defeat. The beginning is subtle; a silent cloud of deterioration lurking in the deep corners of your mind. It begins to spread like tentacles of black smoke choking your judgment, pride, and sense of self. It burns ever so slightly in the pit of your stomach waiting for your demeanor to shift into the realm of weakness. This is where the defeat will linger. It shines its puppy eyes and promises to never go where it’s unwanted…and you believe it. As long as it’s hidden, it will never come to be. Promises are made within your mind to keep it locked up. You throw away the key. A smile is painted from cheek to cheek. You prop yourself up on both feet and hold your focus for as long as possible. At this moment, you find yourself deadlocked in a staring contest with your sanity. Do not look away or you may never get it back.


When your eyes begin to dry out you realize that you have already lost this game awhile back. There never was a key to throw away and the paint begins to smear. At this stage, the weakness and vulnerability set in. With shoulders slumped and a sagging spine, your chin falls. Looking people in the eyes becomes tiresome. Days at home are spent on the couch without a will to move. You fight with yourself about whether or not calling in tomorrow is a viable option. The ifs start flooding your mind. If it weren’t for this job you wouldn’t be miserable. If it weren’t for this couch you would be productive. If it weren’t for you, your life would be a breeze…


Reasoning does not exist here so don’t bother trying. A true feeling of defeat has no cure. It was inevitable. This road does not lead to redemption. You must administer a change of course. Your exit is within the next mile. Remain hopeful that your car will make it.


The strangest ingredient of defeat is the essence of calm the hits the back of your tongue. Compassion is lost and the radio stations have tuned out. The monotonous tones are the only sounds left in your eardrums like the ticking of a clock or the drop of a leaky faucet. You tap those nails you forgot the clip on the counter just to remind yourself that you are still present. You are a shell for a time, mindless and functioning at a slower motion. Rest is desired but cannot be grasped.


Once you see the lines of charcoal behind you, a settlement is reached and you ease into the moment. Take a breath. The fumes may be toxic but it’s time to shop for a frame. If you do not pause at this time the turnaround will not be as fruitful. The art of defeat is its reminders of human frailty. We will fall and, at times, we will break. The beauty of humanity is its ability to mend. The stitches and tape are not permanent. While the frustrations may run rampant, they are only an inconvenience. Gather your last looks for the gallery is closing.


While this can be a humbling moment, nothing about this feeling is comforting. It wasn’t meant to be. You have lost at something and no one likes to lose. Feeling defeated is not a way to live. Action will take hold soon… You just have to be patient. Rash decisions do not a solution make. (Or something along the lines of that.)


Lie down now and take a nap. This will all be over soon…


At least… that’s what everyone will tell you…